Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
