when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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