So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
