3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
