We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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