Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
