I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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