Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize