Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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