worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
