the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
People in love make me want to vomit
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
