did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
