worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
