it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
