I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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