Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
