So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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