this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize