haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
