WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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