We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
