i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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