No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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