I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
