I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize