Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions