I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS