he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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