i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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