he wants to bone in the snuggie
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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