Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.