Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.