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at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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