Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?