Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you

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(715): I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you http://tfl.nu/l21x

Replies (18) Good night (978) Bad night (2161)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

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(203): She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers. http://tfl.nu/qfx8

Replies (25) Good night (4809) Bad night (1153)
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(585): View more from New York

that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag

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(585): that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag http://tfl.nu/7pz9

Replies (11) Good night (1551) Bad night (3916)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.

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(217): Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b. http://tfl.nu/ryd7

Replies (5) Good night (798) Bad night (2282)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.

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(402): In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing. http://tfl.nu/xv1v

Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (1245)
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(315): View more from New York

My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.

(1-315): View more from New York

I fucking hate you.

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(315): My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present. (1-315): I fucking hate you. http://tfl.nu/u3wv

Replies (9) Good night (2036) Bad night (571)
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(614): View more from Ohio

The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??

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(614): The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!?? http://tfl.nu/bmvr

Replies (7) Good night (810) Bad night (1957)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

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(484): donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them. http://tfl.nu/hk6n

Replies (0) Good night (1136) Bad night (854)
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(360): View more from Washington

I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.

(1-360): View more from Washington

It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.

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(360): I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance. (1-360): It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot. http://tfl.nu/be8l

Replies (3) Good night (1854) Bad night (717)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.

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(704): I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina. http://tfl.nu/8h1n

Replies (9) Good night (720) Bad night (402)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.

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(918): My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo. http://tfl.nu/6dok

Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (454)
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(941): View more from Florida

Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.

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(941): Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked. http://tfl.nu/l2tu

Replies (1) Good night (299) Bad night (764)
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(636): View more from Missouri

We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.

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(636): We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard. http://tfl.nu/6ym7

Replies (0) Good night (834) Bad night (378)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.

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(781): also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lhc0

Replies (1) Good night (514) Bad night (322)
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(229): View more from Georgia

I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.

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(229): I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future. http://tfl.nu/le78

Replies (2) Good night (332) Bad night (133)

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