well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic