your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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