i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
