Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
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