Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
