Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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