she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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