So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
