i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
