never play flip cup with pint glasses
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
