I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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