we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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