you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
