the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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