if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
