finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did we literally take a cab across the street
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
