a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
