At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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