I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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