we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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