Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
