I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
