On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
