I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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