i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A+ Viking dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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