party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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