4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
