She said her name was "party"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
