she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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