i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
