are you still at the devil's house?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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