are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
