how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
