apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
